When you’re dissatisfied, unhappy with your life and all you can see is what’s wrong with your life the question of ‘How do I find passion and motivation’ becomes a lot harder to answer.
So it’s in this post I want to delve deeper underneath the surface of what passion and motivation is, why you can’t find your passion and motivation and how to find them.
Everywhere you look Youtube, Instagram, people are doing cool things every day running their own businesses, fulfilling their dreams and desires, looking happy and like they ‘have it all’.
And you wish you were doing a job, a career or something as cool as them where you were making a difference to other people in the way they are making a difference to other people, and in the process are earning a good income like them.
But you feel stuck, confused, alone and doubtful.
And on the flip side you hate your job, have zero to limited friendships, which don’t make you feel fulfilled, barely any hobbies (if any), and you have difficult family relationships.
Therefore, in this post, I want to give you a way forward on what exactly is stopping you from finding your passion and motivation and what you can do to find them.
So, let’s get started.
What is passion and motivation?
Feeling passion for something in life is a result of feeling excited about trying or doing something. And it’s that excitement/passion, which is then ‘supposed’ to spur you to act and feel motivated to explore those passions.
Therefore, they aren’t feelings you need to work really really hard to muster up, since they are feelings, which you simply either feel or do not feel when you’re thinking about participating in particular activities, which sound cool and interesting to you, or you feel or do not feel when you are participating in particular activities.
For instance, you might come across something someone else is doing and think ‘Ahh I wanna do that, that sounds cool’ and it’s thoughts like those you’ve got to look out for and act on to find your passion and motivation.
This is really important for you to make a note of because it’s easy to get wrapped up in an ideal of what passion and motivation are, making assumptions about them through simply watching others following their passions and motivations, comparing your life to their’s and focusing on what’s ‘missing’ in your life, rather than looking at what’s already present.
Why do I not have any passions?/Why can’t I find my passion? Invisible forces at play
In between feeling passion and excitement for something and the motivation to pursue those things, however, there are, invisible forces at play, such as:
- Ignoring your feelings
- A lack of self-worth; and
Which can put the breaks on your motivation and following your passion.
1. Ignoring your feelings
Ignoring your feelings (both positive, such as, happiness, excitement etc. and negative, such as, sadness, anger, hate, etc) and not knowing or believing in their importance in communicating something to you about the action you need to take or not take in your life, stops you from acting on your passions because it’s your feelings, which drive you into action and support you in knowing what to do and what not to do.
Therefore, fuelling your motivation.
However, when you ignore them, not listening to what they’re trying to communicate to you, you actually block yourself from listening to the wisdom they are trying to communicate to you about the action you need to take or not take. Therefore, leaving you feeling like there’s something missing and something’s not quite right.
What’s in the way of connecting to your feelings?
Your thoughts and beliefs around experiencing and expressing your emotions (both positive and negative), who you are and the life you have, are the key factors standing in the way of you connecting to your feelings and listening to their wisdom.
Therefore, why you become consumed with your thoughts, which you guessed it, leads to overthinking.
Secondly, you have to have self-worth, which leads to you feeling self-love and a love for life.
What is self-worth?
Self-worth, as I talk about in lots more detail in my post HOW TO FIND YOUR WORTH AND WHY IT MATTERS is the belief you are capable of getting and achieving what you say you want in life.
And is a deep-seated belief within you that knows no matter what has happened in your life and is happening in your life, you are worthy of love, you are worthy of belonging, you are worthy of success, you are worthy of a loving family, supportive friendships, a career you love, kindness, understanding, patience etc.
What does self-worth look like?
There are two types of self-worth; Positive and negative self-worth. A positive self-worth looks like you pursuing what you would want and would love to have in your life, letting go of all you do not want, including relationships, which make you feel unhappy, dissatisfied and reinforce your feelings of worthlessness, whilst a negative self-worth sees you holding onto relationships and activities, which hurt you and do not make you feel good.
Therefore, leads you to feeling self-pity, which is the act of inflicting your own pain and suffering over and over again because you feel hopeless. So, you see it’s because you feel unworthy you do this.
3. Self-love: What does self-love mean?
Loving everything about you, from your positive attributes to the things you don’t like so much or love about yourself. The things you’re insecure about and wish were different because you understand why these things are the way they are in you.
And believing that even though you’re not perfect, even though you make mistakes and have made mistakes, and have insecurities just like everyone else in the world you are still worthy of love and belonging and your love for yourself doesn’t waver.
How do I know if I love myself exercise
Grasping the ideas of self-worth and self-love can be difficult. So, if you’re not sure if you love yourself, I want you to write a list of all the things you don’t like about you, your past and your life today and past regrets (i.e. the things you wish you had done differently).
Once you’ve done that, I then want you to write a list of all the things you do like about yourself, your past and your life today. And if you find your first list is longer than your second list, it means you have low self-worth and a lack of self-love for yourself and your life.
If low self-worth and self-love resonate with you, please, please don’t worry because, with commitment, hard work and dedication, there is a way to move over to the other side and overcome your feelings of low self-worth and self-love, which you’ll learn more about shortly.
Self-worth and self-love = Love of life
Having both self-worth and self-love, therefore, results in you listening and trusting in yourself, being your own best friend and becoming the best version of you there possibly is.
Therefore, inevitably leading you to intrinsic motivation, which is motivation, which comes from within you and the goals you want to achieve in your life, not an external reward (extrinsic motivation), such as money, or the approval of others. Although, those are nice to have their not the sole driving forces behind your actions.
As a result, you would have a stronger social support network, be less likely to experience self-doubt and when you did experience it, you would be better able to talk yourself out of it.
How do I find my passion and motivation? Working with a Counselling Psychotherapist
The way you get the invisible forces I discussed earlier (i.e. listening to your feelings, high self-worth and self-love), therefore, is through working with a Counselling Psychotherapist over a period of between 3 and 5 years and talking through the situations in your life, which you are finding difficult and how the situations you’re experiencing today remind you of past experiences you’ve also encountered.
However, it’s not the talking therapy alone, which will support you in getting the invisible forces at play. It’s also about everything I talk about in my posts here:
- PART ONE: HOW TO TAKE ON RESPONSIBILITY FOR CHANGING THE OUTCOME OF YOUR LIFE?
- PART TWO: HOW TO TAKE ON RESPONSIBILITY FOR CHANGING THE OUTCOME OF YOUR LIFE? LIFE CHOICES
- 4 MIND-BLOWING TOOLS THAT WILL CHANGE YOUR WORLD AND HELP YOU TO OVERCOME PAST REGRETS
- 3 TOOLS TO GROW OUTSIDE THERAPY SESSIONS
And through taking action to implement these, you will uncover your passions and motivations as you will also be discussing with your therapist your likes, dislikes, wants, needs and desires.
How do I find my passion and motivation? 2 ways working with a Counselling Psychotherapist
1) Understanding your past experiences
Feeling angry, frustrated, uncomfortable, ashamed and embarrassed about any events, which have taken place in your life or are taking place in your life, results in you experiencing these feelings again and again, along with, the thoughts that accompany them.
Therefore, are stopping you from seeing your way through them since it’s like you have a clouded, misty fog in your eyes, which is clouding your judgement on what’s true and isn’t true about the events, which have taken place in your life and are taking place.
However, when you begin to understand your experiences, you will feel more self-worth and more self-love, therefore, seeing through the misty fog so you can see yourself and your life more clearly. And in turn, over time, will be able to see the clues as to what your passions and motivations in life are since your passions and motivations aren’t some random events, which randomly have been assigned to you.
Your passions and motivations, although difficult to believe at first, have been specifically gifted to you from God and all the people in your life who you’ve encountered been directing you towards them, you just haven’t realised it yet.
So it’s only by piecing together the events, which have taken place in your life and are taking place in your life, you’ll be able to successfully uncover what these are. Since it’s only through support, hindsight, understanding and reflection we can do this. Although it’s important to note when you do uncover them, you’ll need an extra dose of courage to follow them, since your therapist can encourage you, but they can’t take the action for you.
2) Piecing together the activities you have participated in so far
When I came across the idea of finding your passion, I thought I needed to participate in more activities, not less. Whether that was to pick up a new skill to learn, sign up for another educational course, go travelling more, pick up a new hobby, read more, you name it. Therefore, leaving me feeling even more deflated and like I was never going to find it because I didn’t feel drawn to do any of those things. And I bet you’re probably feeling and thinking you need to do the same.
However, if I’d really looked back and reflected on the activities I’d already participated in throughout my life, the reason I decided to participate in those activities, the people who I had come across in my life whilst participating in those activities, and what I gained and learnt from each of them as I talk about in my post here >>> HOW TO TAKE A BIG ENOUGH STEP BACK TO FIND YOUR PASSION CAREER, I would have seen the clues all there.
In staying that though, I will say if you do still have an idea of an activity you would like to try, then go ahead and try it. This is because it’s likely you still have lessons to learn and it’s only through participating in those activities and then coming back to work with a Counselling Psychotherapist and making sure to incorporate the tools I talk about in these posts >>>
- 4 MIND-BLOWING TOOLS THAT WILL CHANGE YOUR WORLD AND HELP YOU TO OVERCOME PAST REGRETS
- 3 TOOLS TO GROW OUTSIDE THERAPY SESSIONS
You will be able to uncover the lessons.
Example of understanding your past and piecing together the activities you have engaged in
To support you in bringing this to life I want to bring in some background and an example from my very own personal experience on how I found my passion and motivation to write this blog.
And the way it happened for me is yes working with a Counselling Psychotherapist for over three years, however, there was something else that I now realise in hindsight, was sticking out in my mind like a sore thumb.
And that was a TV show I’d watched where two money-saving bloggers were in competition with each other to see who was better at saving money. So, it was from watching this, I’d formed the impression ‘I wish I was a blogger, I would love to do that, that’s so cool’.
It was only lucky I was working with a Counselling Psychotherapist and recalling how others in my life promoted working with a therapist to me, I had the very specific idea of what I would blog about and as I share in this post here>>> WHEN IS THE RIGHT TIME TO LEAVE YOUR JOB TO START A BUSINESS?. And even then, I still didn’t believe it was my passion and life purpose.
It was only through quitting my job and actually committing to blogging, whilst still working with a Counselling Psychotherapist, it was confirmed to me this is was I was meant to do in the world.
How do I find my passion and motivation working with a Counselling Psychotherapist? Bonuses
An added side-effect, a bonus if you will, to working hard on your self-worth and self-love working with a Counselling Psychotherapist for a minimum of three years, is you’ll uncover three hobbies and interest with no extra effort.
These include being more open to learning through personal development and self-help materials, implementing tools and practices into your daily routine, such as these >>> 3 TOOLS TO GROW OUTSIDE THERAPY SESSIONS and an overall increased interest in health and wellness.
As a result, finding gratitude for even the smallest of things in your life.
Personal Development and Self-Help materials: Caveat
I need to caveat here though, when it comes to reading personal development books, articles and watching Youtube video’s when at the same time working with a Counselling Psychotherapist, you’ll not be consumed with these activities since you’ll get all the nourishment you need simply working with a Counselling Psychotherapist, following their advice and guidance and implementing their suggestions.
Instead, however, you’ll use these activities to learn more about yourself and what you’re thinking, feeling and believing about the events, which are taking place and have taken place in your life, so you have something to work towards changing within yourself, with your Counselling Psychotherapist.
Therefore, you’ll not be intentionally and purposely on the lookout for personal development materials to learn about yourself, but rather you might have a sporadic thought to Google something you want to learn and understand more about, or you might stumble across a personal development Youtube video and think that looks interesting, let me listen to that.
And you realise you resonate with something they’ve said and it’s at that point you decide whether it’s worth raising (hint: it often is) with your therapist through specifically talking about how it resonated with you and what you realised as a result, not necessarily the personal development book, article or Youtube video you watched.
LEARN MORE: 4 REASONS SELF-HELP BOOKS DON’T WORK FOR YOU
How do I find my passion and motivation working with a Counselling Psychotherapist? The result
As a result, by working with a Counselling Psychotherapist to achieve the above, you’ll start feeling like everybody else and like you do fit in this world.
You’re not weird, different in a bad way or flawed because of your experiences or how you feel, therefore, why you can’t find your passions and motivations.
And so, you’ll begin to feel more connected not only to yourself and your emotions but also to others. Therefore, fostering your need for love and belonging and peace of mind.
Therefore, supporting you to overall make life better.
Summary: How do I find my passion and motivation?
So there you have it.
The way to finding your passion and motivation through working with a Counselling Psychotherapist is achieved through you sharing your difficult thoughts and feelings about your experiences (present and past) over a period of between 3 and 5 years.
And through working to understand these, you’ll be improving your self-worth and self-love, which incidentally will have a knock-on effect on finding your passions and motivations in life.
So all you need to do is make sure to hone in on them and take action to pursue them, even when you feel an ounce of hesitation, self-doubt or uncertainty about whether what you’re thinking is really ‘IT’.
Now over to you…
In the comments section below, let me know what if anything from this post resonated with you.
And don’t forget to subscribe to my email newsletter to ensure you stay in the know about how working with a Counselling Psychotherapist either is (if you’re currently working with one) or will, support you to change your life.