Are you struggling to figure out what you want in life? Want somebody to tell you how to figure it out? If so, this article is for you.
If you’re sitting there feeling down because you don’t know what you want in life and you seem to be going around aimlessly looking for something you don’t even know exists, you’re (by far) not alone.
Because as Marie Forleo (above) suggests, knowing what you want in life and pursuing what you want in life, is tricky business for many of us.
And so, it’s that, which I’m talking more about in this article on What do you want? (How to figure it out and get what you want).
So, let’s get started.
What does it mean NOT to know what you want?
I talk more about not knowing what you want to do in your career and how to figure it out here >>> HOW DO I KNOW WHAT I WANT TO DO? (AN ULTIMATE GUIDE).
However, it’s not only in the arena of ‘work’ that many of us don’t know what we want.
It’s also in our personal lives such as, our spiritual, mental, emotional, physical, financial and relationship lives that we have no clue what we want.
If, that is, we do indeed THINK we want anything in those areas of our lives at all.
And trust me when I say, WE DO want things in ALL those areas of our lives, even if we aren’t consciously aware of what those things are YET.
Nor do we perhaps currently have the means to be able to get them, but that doesn’t mean we can’t (somehow) get them.
Why knowing the answer to ‘what do you want’ in your personal life matters?
When you don’t know what you want in all areas of your life (i.e. your mental, emotional, physical, spiritual, financial and relationship lives), you can’t be happy, period.
Why? Because you are on this planet to experience every single one of these areas in your life.
Not to avoid death, not to avoid being seen, heard and understood and most certainly not to avoid discovering and living your greatest truth and potential.
But to experience.
And knowing what you want and being able to put into words what you want in each of those areas, allows you to be able to experience what your unique soul came to experience.
LEARN MORE: HOW CAN I BE HAPPY?
Knowing what you want FOR and IN your relationships
Although knowing what you want in each of the 6 areas I’ve mentioned above is important, there is one area in your life that is of MOST importance.
And that is your relationship life and knowing what you want in that area of your life, such as…
- The kinds of relationships you want to have in your life and the kinds you DON’T so you can move more towards the ones you do want; as well as
- How it is you WANT to be in those relationships and how it is you DON’T want to be in those relationships; and
- How to go about creating the kinds of relationships you want in your life and becoming the person you want to be in those relationships
Why knowing what you want in your relationships matters most?
Knowing what you want in your relationships matters most because everything else, like your spiritual, mental, emotional, physical and financial health all follow AFTER you’ve decided these things and you take action (day in day out) to achieve them.
Therefore, making it easier for you to implement what you want in those areas of your life.
For instance, the tool and practices I talk about in here >>> 3 TOOLS TO GROW OUTSIDE THERAPY SESSIONS and in here >>> 4 MIND-BLOWING TOOLS THAT WILL CHANGE YOUR WORLD AND HELP YOU TO OVERCOME PAST REGRETS don’t just help you with your relationship and spiritual life.
Eventually, they support you in achieving what you want in all areas of your life.
LEARN MORE: HOW TO CHANGE MYSELF?
How to figure out what you want?
Figuring out what you want is a lot easier than you think it might be.
Why? because the truth is, you already do know what you want.
But there are emotional reasons, which I’m coming onto next, why you say you don’t know what you want.
Why you don’t know what you want?
1. Self-doubt and fear
Just like having a cold and a bunged up nose, your body is riddled with fears, doubts, worries and insecurities that any intuitive thoughts and ideas you have about what you want are immediately shut down and not even considered.
So, like I say, it’s not even that you don’t know what you want.
It’s that you don’t BELIEVE in what you want or in your capability to be able to get what you want that you dismiss those ideas as having any significance.
And, you get so tripped up on not knowing ‘HOW’ to get what you want, instead of simply focusing on the ‘what you want’, that you can’t see how to get it because your distress over not knowing ‘HOW’ to get it, acts as a barrier to getting it.
LEARN MORE: HOW TO FIND YOUR WORTH AND WHY IT MATTERS
Why does it matter that your body is riddled with self-doubt and fear?
1.1 What you want is located in your subconscious mind
Your body is the subconscious mind, which means that all your yearnings and desires are located there.
The challenge is, however, many of us haven’t learnt how to effectively work with our subconscious minds (a.k.a our body’s) in order to identify what we truly, truly want for ourselves and our lives.
I mean I can’t tell you the number of things I now want in my life because of learning to work with my body and a Counselling Psychotherapist who incorporates Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) and Matrix Reimprinting into their sessions.
And it’s not that those things were never there, to begin with. They were always there, they just weren’t conscious to me in the way that they are now.
In that, I have no doubt in my mind about what it is I want and the significance of going after those things to me and my life.
The fear is still there and will always still be there, but that’s a good thing because fear only seeks to try and protect us rather than harm us, even if we can’t always see it from that perspective.
Sure we don’t always have to listen to our fears but we do need them in case they are worth being listened to.
1.2 You’re unable to focus on what you want
When your body is riddled with fears, doubts, worries and insecurities, it also makes it difficult for you to cut out the noise of what everybody else is telling you to do and not do.
And what everybody else seems to be doing and not doing.
Or seems to be having and not having in their lives.
Therefore, making it difficult for you to focus solely on what you want and trusting in the intuitive thoughts, feelings and ideas that come your way towards getting what you want.
1.3 You need external validation
This means you also need external validation, which in other words means you need someone outside of you to praise you for any thoughts, feelings and ideas you have regarding what you want before you take any action towards them.
And when they’re not validated, you take it personally.
As though it means something about you.
Therefore, getting angry when someone gives you an opinion that differs to yours.
Why you need external validation?
People who need external validation, usually do so because they have a subconscious belief that they (and their thoughts and feelings) don’t matter.
Therefore, they have to look outside themselves because they believe other people (and their thoughts and feelings) matter more than their own.
1.4. You’re not being honest with yourself
On a conscious level, even if you were to say you believe you matter, it’s possible that your body isn’t in alignment with that statement.
So it’s really important that when you ask yourself questions like…
Whether you believe you matter
…you listen to your body (not your intellectual mind), which you can do with meditation or simply sitting still on a meditation cushion.
Another reason you might think you don’t know what you want is guilt.
In particular, because you believe (on a subconscious level) you are solely responsible for the happiness of someone else in your life so if you were to get what you want, they wouldn’t be happy with it because it would have a knock-on effect on them, in that you might have to stop doing certain activities with them.
And therefore, they’d get angry at you because they wouldn’t understand, nor would you be able to explain it to them in a way that they do understand.
So you’re unknowingly left in this kind of ‘stand-off’ with each other.
3. You feel ashamed/embarrassed to admit what you want
In some cases, I feel there is a stigma around being a confident independent woman and going after what you want, which as a result causes us to shrink ourselves and make ourselves small in order not to take up space and be seen.
But it’s exactly that need to shrink ourselves to not cause offence to anybody else, which is what’s causing us to hang back from fulfilling our greatest potential and going after what we want, need and desire.
Therefore, why working with a Counselling Psychotherapist is so invaluable because it supports you in breaking away from these ideas and social conditionings, so you can be your own person with your own ideas, thoughts and feelings.
How working with a Counselling Psychotherapist will help you to figure out the answer to ‘what do you want’?
1. Maslow’s hierarchy of needs
According to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, all people have five needs, which include:
- Physiological needs
- Safety needs
- Love and belonging needs
- Esteem needs; and
- Self-actualisation needs
Learn more here.
And when even one of these needs aren’t met we can experience depression.
Therefore, by working with a Counselling Psychotherapist you get to work on acquiring each of these needs over time.
2. Meeting confidence and esteem needs
When you feel confident in yourself and in your capabilities, everything you believe is currently standing in your way, dissipates.
How a Counselling Psychotherapist gives you the confidence you need
You know that saying that ‘no questions are stupid’?
Well, the same goes with no thoughts, feelings, beliefs, wants, needs and desires are stupid.
However, this only becomes true for you too when you’re thoughts, feelings, beliefs, ideas, wants and needs are validated.
However, not everyone is able to give you the validation you need for the things you say you want in your life because they just don’t have it within them to be able to give it to you.
Like perhaps you might feel you don’t have it within you to give it to others.
But a Counselling Psychotherapist does and so they can give you the validation you need in a way that will get you to sit up and notice.
Therefore, helping you to be able to give it to others (like you’ve always wanted) over time too.
LEARN MORE: HOW DO I FIND MY PASSION AND MOTIVATION?
How a Counselling Psychotherapist will give you the validation you need?
For instance, a Counselling Psychotherapist will validate you in three instances:
- When you share any thought, feeling, desire, idea, want and need with them
- When you learn to take on responsibility for your thoughts, feelings, beliefs, wants, needs and desires; and
- Lastly, when you share the realisations you’re having towards the situations taking place in your life
In addition, they’ll provide you with a change in perspective on any limiting thoughts, feelings and beliefs so you can start to see them from a different level of mind to the one you have been seeing them from.
As a result, allowing you to overtime build trust in yourself and your thoughts, feelings, beliefs and ideas so you can take action towards the things you want in life.
And eventually, can start validating yourself without the need for anybody else’s approval.
3. The ability to look for solutions
When your body is blocked with fears, doubts, worries and insecurities, you can’t see beyond the problems you believe are standing in the way of you getting what you want.
Therefore, you only focus on the problems and on the feelings attached to your problems.
However, there is meant to be a step further.
That is, you find, think of and implement solutions to the things you believe are getting in the way of you getting what you want.
Therefore, allowing you to move forward with your life, instead of getting hung up on the same problems over and over again.
And that’s what working with a Counselling Psychotherapist does so beautifully in giving you the confidence you need to believe in yourself and your thoughts, feelings, ideas, wants, needs and desires in order for you to be able to implement the solutions you think of in your life.
LEARN MORE: HOW TO FIND YOUR WORTH AND WHY IT MATTERS
4. Tools and techniques
When working with a Counselling Psychotherapist, you’ll both:
- Be given tools and techniques (see: 4 MIND-BLOWING TOOLS THAT WILL CHANGE YOUR WORLD AND HELP YOU TO OVERCOME PAST REGRETS) to put into practice; as well as,
- Find your own (see: 3 TOOLS TO GROW OUTSIDE THERAPY SESSIONS) since you’ll be a lot more open to personal development than you might have been previously.
These, as a result, will further support you in reflecting on what you want and in taking action towards what you want.
Whilst removing layers of self-doubt and fear over time.
The overall benefit of working with a Counselling Psychotherapist to help you answer the question ‘What do you want’?
The overall benefit of working with a Counselling Psychotherapist who incorporates EFT and Matrix Reimprinting is you’ll experience more of the following over time:
All of which, money cannot buy.
Summary: What do you want? (How to figure it out and get what you want)
So there you have it, your answer to what do you want? (How to figure it out and get what you want).
Firstly, learn to work with your subconscious mind (also known as your body) and a Counselling Psychotherapist who incorporates EFT and Matrix Reimprinting into their practice to develop your confidence in identifying what you want for yourself and your life.
And in doing so, you’ll learn how to get rid of your need for external validation and how to better cut out the noise to be able to listen and follow your own still inner voice.
- HOW DO I KNOW WHAT I WANT TO DO? (AN ULTIMATE GUIDE)
- HOW DO I FIND MY PASSION AND MOTIVATION?
- HOW TO TAKE A BIG ENOUGH STEP BACK TO FIND YOUR PASSION
Now over to you
I’d love to know whether you’d be willing to work with a Counselling Psychotherapist who incorporates EFT and Matrix Reimprinting to figure out what you want in life so let me know in the comments section at the bottom of this page.
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