There are two ways to make yourself feel better about yourself and your life; Healthy and unhealthy ways.
Therefore, why today I’m talking about what those are so you can learn to lean further into the healthier ways to make yourself feel better rather than the unhealthier ways.
Just like junk food has the capacity to make us feel like crap.
So too do the words, thoughts, feelings, beliefs and behaviours we engage in.
Therefore, why it’s so so important to become more and more aware of the one’s you engage in, which don’t make you feel good about you.
As it’s only by doing this that you can stop yourself from engaging in them.
So let’s get started.
Why you need to make yourself feel better?
When you don’t feel good about yourself, what you’re really saying, although a slightly odder way to say it, is you don’t feel good in yourself.
Therefore, needing to make yourself feel better, because there’s a hidden belief (about yourself and your life) located within your body, (also known as your subconscious mind), which you are/have become identified with but aren’t yet conscious of.
As a result, automatically placing an interpretation, judgement and/or criticism (equal to that belief) on a person, place, situation or experience taking place in your life, which is re-enforcing your feelings of not being good enough.
And therefore, not feeling good about yourself.
The key, as a result, is to find/learn ways to make yourself feel better by working on your feelings around not feeling good enough with a Counselling Psychotherapist.
And engaging in activities outside of your therapy sessions, like these (but not limited to, as you’ll see shortly) >>>
- 3 TOOLS TO GROW OUTSIDE THERAPY SESSIONS; and these >>>
- 4 MIND-BLOWING TOOLS THAT WILL CHANGE YOUR WORLD AND HELP YOU TO OVERCOME PAST REGRETS
Which will help you to feelbetter all on your own so you can better be able to connect with the people around you.
As opposed to disconnecting from the people, situations, places and experiences the thoughts, feelings and beliefs, ‘not being good enough’ has the power to make you do.
What can I do right now to make myself feel better?
Therefore, if you’re feeling pretty crappy right now (although there is no quick fix to this I’m afraid) what you can do to make yourself feel better is take just one action.
But not any action because as I say there are both healthy and unhealthy ways to make yourself feel better.
Therefore, it’s important for you to be able to distinguish between the two so you can do less of the ones that reinforce your feelings of not being good enough and more of the ones that don’t.
As a result, making yourself feel better in the long run, rather than simply the short term.
So without further ado let’s take a look at the 9 healthy ways to make yourself feel better.
9 healthy ways to make yourself feel better
1. Take a break
Taking a break when you want to make yourself feel better is a good idea because if you keep pushing yourself to keep working on activities, which on one spectrum you either love and enjoy doing and on the other spectrum, don’t enjoy at all (the principle is the same either way), you’re not going to get very far with them.
And you may find it’s exactly those activities you’re working on that may be reinforcing your thoughts, feelings and beliefs of not being good enough.
Which, by taking a break you get to disconnect from, for a little while so you can come back refreshed and with solutions and ideas to the struggles you’re facing in life more generally/the activities you’re working on at a later date.
However, to be able to do this, you must know how to stay present with your embodied experience (i.e. what sensations you’re feeling/experiencing in your body and where exactly in your body you’re feeling/experiencing them).
Otherwise, you’ll get lost in the narrative your mind makes up and instead of taking a break, you’ll find yourself doing exactly what you were doing before you decided to take a break.
That is, getting caught up in your thoughts, feelings and beliefs of not being good enough.
2. Do/find something you enjoy doing
Sometimes not feeling good about ourselves is a signal that we’ve stopped doing something, which we once enjoyed doing.
Or that we need to fulfil a want, need and desire we’ve been neglecting.
Therefore, to figure out what it is we need to do to make ourselves feel better, we’ve got to find activities or re-engage with activities we once loved/enjoyed doing and perhaps left by the wayside because other life activities got in the way, to see if it’s those things are what we need to do more of to stop feeling bad about ourselves.
And if they’re not, looking more deeply into why that is with a Counselling Psychotherapist.
3. Engage in tools and practices
Tools and practices, as I mentioned earlier in my post, are great because if you can…
- Learn to stay present with them; and
- Learn to stay present with the sensations, which arise when you engage with them
They can instantly break you out of your funk and into action.
So instead of letting negative thinking take over you, you do something productive with your thoughts and feelings.
For instance, a great tool and practice to implement is to begin and maintain a gratitude list/journal, which not only lists what you’re thankful for in your everyday life, but what you’re also grateful to yourself for having done or not done that particular day, week or month.
4. Work with a Counselling Psychotherapist to work through your struggles
Earlier I recommended you work with a Counselling Psychotherapist to work through your feelings of not being good enough.
Which the reason for this is, if we’ve always thought and felt a certain way, it’s easy for us to think that that’s just how we are or that’s just how life is.
However, that’s not the case at all.
You can absolutely change how you think and what you feel towards the people, places, situations and experiences taking place in your life working with a Counselling Psychotherapist trained in EFT and Matrix Reimprinting techniques because I’ve done it, which means so can you.
5. Believe in yourself and reaffirm your worth
Not all people believe in affirmations.
And actually, I didn’t believe in affirmations before I started working with a Counselling Psychotherapist trained in EFT and Matrix Reimprinting.
However, after having worked through my thoughts, feelings, beliefs, sensations and hindering behaviours through talking to a therapist and incorporating Matrix reimprinting and meditation specifically into my daily practice, I can honestly say I truly believe in the power of affirmations in making us feel better about ourselves.
Unfortunately, however, you can’t use an affirmation once or twice and be done with it.
Instead, you’ve got to use them frequently and create a daily practice around them like I did (even if you don’t believe they’re working) for them to actually work.
And you can’t simply repeat them in your head, you’ve actually got to be able to feel them in your body, which is where meditation can further help you here.
6. Clean and clear your physical space
Sometimes if I’m not feeling good about myself I’ll think to myself it’s because I’m not doing something for my environment, which would also positively impact me.
Therefore, what I tend to do in this case is turn towards housework because I know that doing something for my environment (which is what you’re doing by clearing your physical space) even if I don’t necessarily feel like it makes me feel good.
And the act of doing something for my environment, actually takes my mind off of feeling bad about myself.
Especially if I remain present in the activity I’m doing, as opposed to the narrative my mind makes up about myself and my life.
LEARN MORE: HOW CAN I GET THE ENERGY TO CLEAN MY HOUSE?
7. Be open and honest with yourself
The way we think, feel and believe, and therefore, the interpretations we place on events going on outside of ourselves, are automatic habits.
Therefore, it’s important to become more and more conscious of what you’re thinking, feeling and believing about yourself in relation to events, places, experiences and situations going on in your life through regular reflection (alongside meditation) to be able to dissipate the negative automatic habit.
8. Cry it out
Part of the reason we don’t feel good about ourselves, are repressed thoughts, feelings and beliefs.
Therefore, we’re likely to have a build-up of emotions, which need to come out.
Although, as mentioned above, it’s also important to reflect on what the tears are really about to dissipate the repressed thoughts, feelings and beliefs.
Since just putting it into words in itself is transformational.
And usually what we ‘think’ we’re crying about, actually has another layer to it.
9. Praise others in front of them and behind their back
When we praise others we surprisingly feel good about ourselves too for having done it because our brain registers it as a nice thing to do.
However, and this is a big caveat when you intend to praise someone it has to come from a genuine place within you.
Therefore, you actually have to feel a deep sense of gratitude toward the thing you’re praising someone for.
Because if you simply praise someone because you heard it was a nice thing to do or as a way to boost others perception of you then it’s unlikely to have the positive impact you want it to have both on yourself and the person you’re praising.
Why do I feel bad about myself all the time?
If you feel bad about yourself as opposed to every now and again it might be because you are engaging in more of the unhealthy ways to make yourself feel better than the healthy ways.
So it’s these, which might further reinforce your feelings of feeling bad about yourself and so what you perceive as feeling bad about yourself all of the time.
As a result, why it’s so important to become more self-aware (i.e. conscious) of your thoughts, feelings, beliefs and behaviours so you can better notice when you want to engage in unhealthy ways of making yourself feel better, in order to stop yourself from doing them.
9 unhealthy ways to make yourself feel better
Unhealthy ways to make yourself feel better, therefore, can be as obvious as alcohol, emotional eating or drug addiction.
However, there are more subtler, everyday things that you might be doing than these, which might make you feel bad about yourself.
Therefore, why it can be difficult to spot them within yourself and so requires constant reflection.
1. Putting others down, shouting and making fun of them (in front of or behind their back)
This is one we all have the capacity to do when we don’t know our worth on an embodied level (not an intellectual level).
Therefore, subconsciously using putting others down, shouting at others and making fun of others either in front of them or behind their back, as an excuse to make ourselves feel better about ourselves because we don’t know/haven’t yet learnt any other ways of achieving the same outcome.
So where working with a Counselling Psychotherapist further comes in as the understanding and change in perspective they give you helps you to begin changing this habit for yourself.
Which is important since it might make you feel good about yourself in the moment when you’re doing it, but the effects aren’t lasting, so you’re back to feeling bad about yourself before you know it.
And in seek of that rush, which it often tends to give you since now it’s likely to have become an automated habit the more you’ve done it.
In addition, it has the consequence of pushing others away from us too.
Therefore, also re-enforcing our feelings of not being and feeling good enough about ourselves and our lives.
LEARN MORE: HOW TO FIND YOUR WORTH AND WHY IT MATTERS
2. Shaming and humiliating others
Hand in hand with the above, shaming and humiliating others, makes us feel better about ourselves because it puts us on a pedestal compared to others.
When in reality, we actually don’t feel good enough in comparison to others.
But again the lasting effects are short.
3. Comparing yourself to others
Comparing ourselves to others and therefore, finding flaws in others, is a way of putting others down in that we might do it to boost our self-esteem and self-worth.
And as a way to reject others first through judging and criticising them before they can do it to us.
4. Retaliating to others
Retaliating to others makes us feel good in the moment but not in the long-term either because we feel like it’s a way of sticking up for ourselves when we might hear someone badmouthing us behind our backs.
However, on a bodily level it doesn’t make you feel good about you because it too will often involve putting someone else down to prop yourself up.
5. Wanting others to share their misery with you
On the surface, whilst this might look like a nice deed in terms of taking an interest in the life of another, deep down it’s really a reason to make ourselves feel better about ourselves.
This is because as the saying goes ‘misery loves company’ and so the reason we really do it, is not to feel so alone in our misery, which as you can see is actually a selfish reason for us to want others to share their misery with us.
However, I’m not saying that for you to feel bad about yourself. I’m saying it so you can see it from a different perspective to how you have perhaps been viewing it so you can avoid doing it in the long run.
Since the only effect, it has on you and the other person, in the long run, is it too further makes you feel worse about yourself on a subconscious level.
Which of course, I know you do not want.
6. Reaching out to others to make yourself feel better
Whilst talking to others about what you’re thinking and feeling can be positive, the truth is you can’t actually expect them to make you feel better because they can’t.
This is because the act of reaching out to someone is for you to feel seen, heard and understood not for them to make you feel better even if you think this is what you want and need from them.
And so, requires them to listen to you without saying anything back so you can derive to your own conclusions.
The problem with most people (including myself), however, is they’re not very good listeners since they like to go in and help through trying to solve people’s problems for them and giving them suggestions and recommendations that the other person didn’t ask for and has absolutely no use for.
Therefore, they can’t actually help you to make yourself feel better
So that responsibility I’m afraid has to lie in your hands since you’re the only one who really knows what you need to be able to make yourself feel better.
7. Revisiting that thing that makes you feel bad about yourself
If you don’t know what else to do with your time, believing you don’t have any goals, dreams and desires to work towards, as I talk about in my article HOW DO I GET RID OF MINDLESS SCROLLING TO GET MY LIFE BACK? then it’s much easier to revert back to that thing that doesn’t make you feel good about yourself, like scrolling social media.
Therefore, why it’s so important to work with a Counselling Psychotherapist to uncover your wants, needs and desires over time.
Since it’s only by doing this that you’ll feel confident enough in yourself to be able to pursue them.
LEARN MORE: HOW DO I FIND MY PASSION AND MOTIVATION?
8. Holding back your tears
The inability to be able to express your tears to the people around you when you were growing up, may have resulted in you learning to hold back the tears, hide and avoid/ignore them even in the privacy of your own home/space.
However, this does nothing to make you feel better.
All it does is make you want to cry at inappropriate times as I talk about in my article HOW TO FEEL COMFORTABLE WITH EMOTIONS TO LIVE A HAPPIER LIFE?
Therefore, when the tears come you have to let them out as I discussed earlier on.
9. Lying to yourself and not taking responsibility
Life is just easier when we can pass the buck onto someone else instead of taking responsibility for our own thoughts, feelings, beliefs and behaviours.
But the question is does that make our life more rewarding?
And the answer is no. It doesn’t.
In fact, it makes our lives more miserable because we’re not living to our fullest potential and capabilities.
And on a subconscious level, we know that so further reinforcing our feelings of not being good enough and not feeling good about ourselves.
Summary: 9 healthy and unhealthy ways to make yourself feel better
So there you have it 9 healthy ways including, taking a break, reaffirming your worth and praising others and 9 unhealthy ways including, putting others down, reaching out to others and lying to yourself to make you feel better.
Now over to you
I would love to know what out of the 9 unhealthy and healthy ways to make yourself feel better you resonated with so let me know in the comments section below.
And don’t forget to subscribe to my email newsletter below to stay in the know on how working with a Counselling Psychotherapist can change your life.
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