Do you find it hard to make more friends or to make any new friends at all? If so, you’re not alone. This is a struggle so many people face.
And so it’s in this post I want to tackle this question of what to do when you want to meet more people in order to make more friends but you find it so hard to do so that it actually puts you off wanting to make more friends, therefore, ending up giving up.
Press pause on thinking about how to make more friends!
I know this is counterintuitive to say if you have no friends or limited friends and you’d like to meet new people in order to find more friends, however, there is a reason behind this logic.
And it’s the fact that worrying about how to make more friends when you find it so painfully difficult to do so will only stress you out even more, and make you feel worse about yourself than you likely already do feel about yourself and your life.
Therefore, why the goal of this post isn’t simply to tell you what to do to make more friends.
It’s also to show you what’s behind the lack of friends and feelings of dissatisfaction with the friendships you do have in your life.
As it’s this understanding and acceptance of yourself and your struggle, which will allow you to take the next steps to be able to find and make new friends.
Since simply wanting to make more friends isn’t going to be enough for you to get them.
So, let’s dive in.
Why can’t I make friends easily?
Well, let me ask you a question ‘What is it you believe about yourself, other people and your ability to form and build long-term friendships? ‘ Because it is the beliefs you have about all three of these, which make it difficult for you to make more friends.
However, if you’re like most people you’ll be able to identify some of your beliefs but not all of them since many of your beliefs are hidden in your subconscious mind.
As I talk in more detail about in my post A COMPLETE GUIDE ON WHAT YOU NEED TO DO TO MAKE LIFE BETTER.
Therefore, why you need to incorporate meditation into your daily practice to be able to uncover them.
What does having little friends or no friends and no life say about me?
This is a question on an unconscious level, I struggled with many times before in my own life, therefore, finding myself in a panic about not having friends or being part of a supportive community when it seems everywhere you turn everyone is promoting the importance of having friends. Especially, in relation to having a partner.
So if you don’t have any friends it means ‘there’s something wrong with you’, which means you have to make up a lie that the reason you don’t have any or many friends is because all your friends got married and had kids and you’re the only one left or all your friends moved away because that seems to make it more socially acceptable not to have many friends, if any at all.
And even if those reasons are true, if you were really honest with yourself they’re not the whole truth are they?
Therefore, to be able to make more friends, it’s vital you are in the right frame of mind (i.e you don’t believe there is something wrong with you, which I know is far easier said than done but is necessary for making more friends and succeeding in life more generally).
LEARN MORE: TRANSFORM YOUR LIFE BY CHANGING THIS ONE BELIEF
Why is it important to be in the right frame of mind?
Being in the right frame of mind is important, since your brain will do everything and anything to find things to reaffirm the belief ‘there is something wrong with you’ when you try to make more friends.
Even though it is categorically not true about you.
For instance, it might look out for certain facial expressions, judgements and criticisms from others to reaffirm it.
As a result, sabotaging you from meeting new people and making more friends.
How to be in the right frame of mind?
A change in perspective, therefore, is essentially how you move into the right frame of mind.
So in other words, in this context, realising and embodying (i.e. feeling), all having little friends, no friends and no life says about you is absolutely nothing, other than, you didn’t learn what you needed to learn to be able to meet new people and make new friends, which is okay because you can learn them now as an adult.
As I talk in lots more detail about in my post here >>> 12 SKILLS TO LEARN JUST BY BEING YOU (AND WHERE TO LEARN THEM) so check it out.
What’s the difference between being in the right frame of mind and being “ready”
A lot of people might associate this with being “ready”, and whilst there is never a time where you will ever feel completely “ready” in anything you choose to do, there is a place in you where you feel more ready.
A place in you where you feel more confident and at peace with yourself so you’re not placing this immense amount of pressure on yourself to make more friends.
Do you know how to be a good friend?
A good friend is someone who:
- Wants to see their friends succeed in life, regardless of the area and even when perhaps their lives aren’t going so well in that particular area
- Respects the thoughts and feelings of their friends
- Builds their friends up, supports and has their back in all that they do; and ultimately
- Wants to bring happiness and joy to the lives of their friends for the sheer happiness and joy it brings them in return.
- Doesn’t talk about their friends behind their back
Therefore, my question to you is do you exercise these qualities of what it means to be a good friend and be honest with yourself.
Since it’s easy enough for us to say we do adhere to what it means to be a good friend, but the truth is our actions don’t always align with who we ‘think’ we are.
As a result, we take actions, which others don’t perceive as what a good friend is or does, therefore, disappointing and letting them down.
Why it’s important to work towards being a good friend before seeking to make more friends?
This is important because it’s all well and said and done, you want to make more friends and you go out and do it, but if you don’t know how to be a good friend, in the end, you’ll just end up losing those friends.
Therefore, starting right back from where you started.
Which is exactly what happened to me and brings me onto my next point.
Ask yourself ‘Why do I want more friends’?
Before you even look to make more friends you’ve got to ask yourself the question why do I want more friends? And again ensure to be really honest with yourself about your WHY.
This is also important to ask because when I would ask myself this question it often came from one of three places:
- A fear of being alone; and
- The voice of others promoting the importance of friendship
As a result, I looked for friendships to stop me from feeling lonely and alone, to stop people questioning the lack of friendships in my life and ultimately to uplift me.
You might be thinking what’s wrong with that, isn’t that the point of friendship? And it is, but it can’t be one sided, you have to do the same in return for others, which you cannot do if you’re not taking the reigns of your own life.
LEARN MORE: HOW TO FIND YOUR WORTH AND WHY IT MATTERS
Hiding behind the feelings of loneliness, fear of being alone and wanting others to make you happy
Hiding behind the feeling of loneliness (and isolation while we’re at it), the fear of being alone and wanting others to make you happy is the belief of unworthiness.
The belief that you’re not good enough and not capable enough, therefore, is what has resulted in you isolating yourself from other people.
The belief often makes it out to be because there’s something wrong with other people, but the truth is your subconscious mind does that to protect you from the possibility of getting hurt because somewhere along your life journey you may have felt rejected by the people in your life. Therefore, learning that it wasn’t safe to be vulnerable with others.
The result of wanting friends from a place of unworthiness
Not only do these feelings push people away and stop you from connecting with others so you can make more friends, but they actually result in you choosing the wrong friends for you because the kinds of people who you do want to be friends with seem so far out of your reach to you.
Mostly because, you believe they have something you don’t have, so when comparing yourself to them you feel like you’re on completely different ends of the spectrum when the reality is you’re not at all that different or far off to them at your core.
How to cure unworthiness to make more friends?
The first step to curing your feelings of unworthiness, therefore, since they are not permanent and can be transformed is to find your worth so you can also learn how to be a good friend to yourself.
And in the process also learn how to get comfortable with your uncomfortable thoughts and feelings around what it means to be lonely and alone.
The benefits of curing your unworthiness to make more friends
There are two benefits to curing your unworthiness by following the above actions:
- You will feel happier with who you are; and
- Will have more choices available to you
1) Feeling happy with who you are
Feeling happy within yourself and the direction of your life is great when looking to make more friends because it will help you to make more friends from a place of gratitude, peace, love and joy, rather than fear and desperation.
This also means, you’ll be able to give to others from a place of happiness and joy, therefore, also receiving these back in return from others since the law of reciprocity says to receive you must give.
Although, it is important to note if you’re giving simply to receive something in return it’s likely to backfire on you. In fact, according to Zen Buddhist teachings, it’s important you give simply to give rather than to receive anything in return.
2) More choices available to you
Having more choice in who you decide are your friends, rather than feeling as though you can only be friends with certain “types” of people means that ultimately the world is your oyster.
As you’ll start to feel confident approaching the kinds of people who you do want to be friends with, whilst letting go of the people who you don’t want to be friends with but at the minute feel you have no choice to be friends with because you have no one else to be friends with.
How to make more friends? Working with a Counselling Psychotherapist
So I hope you can see, to make more friends you have to work on yourself and on the kinds of thoughts, feelings and beliefs you’re having about yourself, your life and your ability to make more friends.
And in doing so, you’ll be able to make more friends from a place of happiness, peace, joy, love and gratitude.
However, this is all easier said than done right so the question then becomes, how do I put this into practice.
Therefore, why I recommend working with a Counselling Psychotherapist trained in Emotional Freedom Techniques and Matrix Reimprinting.
To source, a therapist trained in these techniques you can speak to your GP and ask them to print you off a list of therapy practices in your area.
The list will not specify whether they are trained in these techniques, however, so it will be up to you to check with the individual practices themselves.
Why work with a Counselling Psychotherapist trained in Emotional Freedom Techniques and Matrix Reimprinting
The first reason to work with a Counselling Psychotherapist is that simply talking about your struggles in building relationships and in your feelings of unworthiness with a trained professional will be good for your health.
As they will listen to you wholeheartedly and will provide you with advice and guidance on how to better approach what you’re struggling with when away from sessions.
And you’ll pick up on what it takes to form positive, healthy, understanding and supportive relationships as your therapist will support you to build one with them as you go through the process and trust it.
So you can bring them into your personal life and can begin to make more friends.
Personal Development Tools
The second reason is a Counselling Psychotherapist trained in Emotional Freedom Techniques and Matrix Reimprinting will (to an extent) train you in these tools too as they use them on you, so whenever you are struggling with difficult thoughts and feelings you can use them to ground yourself in the present moment.
To learn more about them check out my post 4 MIND-BLOWING TOOLS THAT WILL CHANGE YOUR WORLD AND HELP YOU TO OVERCOME PAST REGRETS.
After working with a Counselling Psychotherapist
Now I’m not saying you have to work with a Counselling Psychotherapist before you can look to make more friends, but I do think you need to give yourself a minimum of a year with them before trying to do so in order to give yourself time to build your self-worth.
And to examine your thoughts, feelings and beliefs around the situations, people, places, experiences and behaviours of those within your life as I talk about in more detail in my post A COMPLETE GUIDE ON WHAT YOU NEED TO DO TO MAKE LIFE BETTER as they likely will also be a contributing factor to your struggle with making more friends.
However, if you choose not to wait that long or longer, that’s equally okay as it will give you more information around what else is stopping you from making more friends, which you can bring into the therapy room and discuss with your therapist.
Ways to make more friends and meet new people
At the end of the day whether you choose to give yourself time to build your self-worth before looking to meet new people or not, is ultimately up to you and how you feel in your venture to find more friends.
As a result, there is no right or wrong about when to begin.
But in any case, whenever you feel ready here are some suggestions about how to go about making more friends:
- Attend Meetups.
- Register for Bumble (app)
- Explore your passions and motivations through taking a class or course
- Volunteer frequently for a cause, which matters to you
Summary: How to make more friends when you find it so hard to?
So there you have it…
How to make more friends when you find it so difficult to.
Work on yourself by working to find your worth.
And in doing so, you’ll become happier, you’ll learn how to become a better friend and will begin to make friendships from a place of peace, love and joy, rather than a place of fear and desperation.
Now over to you…
I would love to know what (if anything) resonated with you in this post. So please leave a comment in the comments section below.
And don’t forget to subscribe to my email newsletter to ensure you stay in the know about how working with a Counselling Psychotherapist will support you to develop personally and professionally.
- HOW TO FIND YOUR WORTH AND WHY IT MATTERS
- WHY A CHANGE IN PERSPECTIVE IS YOUR KEY TO FREEDOM (AND HOW TO GET IT)
- TRANSFORM YOUR LIFE BY CHANGING THIS ONE BELIEF