Have you experienced a failure or multiple failures at work that you just don’t know how to prevent the next time? If so, this article is for you as I’ll go through how to deal with crushing failure at work to get back up stronger and better than ever before.
Dealing with failure at work can be the most devasting experience you can ever go through.
Especially when it feels like you’re only experiencing failure, after failure, after failure and not really any wins.
And you’ve prized your whole life on working hard to do well, whether at school, college or university because if you didn’t, you knew you’d be left behind of all your friends and classmates.
And/or you’re parents wouldn’t have been happy with it.
However, work is a completely different territory to school, college and university.
So you can’t even compare the two because what you’ve learnt in those institutions is completely different to what you learn at work.
And work especially is all about being adaptable and flexible and learning how to be more adaptable and flexible, whereas school, college and university can become quite predictable, and dare I say, monotonous.
Therefore, it’s this (i.e. our inability to be adaptable and flexible) that I’m going to be focusing on in this article.
Since it’s these two things, which can stop us from succeeding at work and can instead lead to what feels like our downfall and failure.
So, let’s get started.
How to deal with crushing failure to get back up stronger and better than ever before?
The causes of your failure
Before you can understand how to deal with anything in life, including your crushing failure at work, you need to first understand what the potential causes of your failure were.
Since often we have an idea of what they are, but they turn out to be wrong because their simply our own interpretations and assumptions of what went wrong for us to have failed, which are actually what led us to the failure in the first place.
That is, our assumptions and interpretation of the events that took place before the failure occurred.
Or we simply want to forget that a certain failure happened so we try to skirt it under the rug and pretend it didn’t happen, moving onto the next thing and the next.
But if we truly want to succeed we have to be able to reflect on the hard things we experience in life so we can learn from them and grow.
Otherwise, we’ll never get anywhere.
So, some of the potential causes of your perceived failure might have included…
1) You’re scared of making mistakes
If you really think about it, what’s behind your interpretation of what failure is?
Perhaps making mistakes?
And lots of them.
So, that’s actually part of the reason why we fail is that we’re afraid to make mistakes because we believe that making mistakes means there’s something wrong with us since that’s what we learnt (and had interpreted) growing up by the reactions of those around us.
And so, it re-enforces that belief system we already have within ourselves, that is, ‘there is something wrong with us’ (a.k.a I’m not good enough).
Therefore, we seek to avoid making mistakes at all costs, trying to conceal them as hard as we can, to avoid reaffirming that belief and the feelings of shame, embarrassment and potential ridicule, which might come along with it from the people around us.
Which perhaps might sound counterintuitive but it’s the ‘fear and avoidance of making mistakes’ that actually presents us with the challenge that comes with making mistakes.
And thus, failure.
How does your fear of making mistakes and avoiding making mistakes, make the exact thing you don’t want to happen, happen?
As the quote above by Tony Robins says ‘where attention goes, energy flows’.
So the act of being afraid and avoiding making mistakes results in you expending lots of mental, emotional and physical energy (i.e momentum) towards those things not happening, which inevitably makes them happen just like a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Since you’ve only got so much time, attention and energy to expend towards those things not happening.
Therefore, making it impossible to avoid anything in life by going around it.
But rather moving towards it in order to be able to move through it.
Which you do by accepting and surrendering to the fact that this is what you’re really thinking about and feeling on a day to day basis.
And working with and towards the solution instead of simply ‘putting up with it’.
How do you know you’re afraid of making mistakes?
1) When you make a mistake you judge and criticise yourself more harshly than anyone would ever judge and criticise you.
2) You’re afraid of getting told off.
3) You seek to find the path of least resistance, through, avoiding asking a question, trying to figure it out all on your own or avoiding certain work situations altogether.
If any of the above resonates with you, however, the good news is the fact that you’re experiencing this struggle is so that you can push yourself to grow and become more of who you are at your core.
As opposed to living a lie about who you are as I talk more about in my article >>> HOW TO FIND THE REAL YOU (AND STOP BEING FED UP WITH LIFE).
Therefore, enjoying more happiness and freedom in your life and who doesn’t want that?
2) Fear of asking questions at work
As I mentioned briefly above, sometimes mistakes and failures happen at work because for one reason or another, we were afraid to ask a question that would have helped us with the task at hand.
Therefore, in other words, choosing the path of least resistance.
Not realising that our decision not to ask a question we’re considering asking is the exact reason why we’ve experienced a failure or multiple failures.
Why? because by not asking a question, we’re thinking of asking, we’re putting a pause/stop on expressing ourselves and so we experience inner turmoil, which becomes representative of the mistake/failure we experienced outside ourselves.
And it’s the universe’s/God’s, our higher power’s etc. (whatever you want to call it) way of showing us where we need to improve in our lives and as a person to be able to live a happier and as much as possible, a stresser-free life.
LEARN MORE: HOW TO CHANGE MYSELF?
Why you’re afraid to ask questions?
A reason why you might be afraid of asking questions of others is perhaps growing up you learnt that asking questions wasn’t acceptable or ‘safe’ because when you did ask questions you were laughed at, criticised and/or ridiculed for it.
Similarly to when you made a mistake.
Therefore, causing you to believe that being vulnerable and exposed by asking questions and asking for help or support from those around you, was wrong too.
And, leaving you to decide, avoiding asking questions of others was your only choice.
So also resolving you needed to looking hard for workarounds to asking questions.
How to deal with crushing failure to get back up stronger and better than ever before?
Get over the fear of messing up and asking questions
To get over the fear of messing up and asking questions, therefore, you’re not going to be able to do it alone.
So you’ve got to enlist the support of a Counselling Psychotherapist whether you want to or not.
Since the reason you’re so afraid of messing up and asking questions (pretty much like everything else you’re struggling with in your life) is because of your long history with it.
And so to overcome it, you’ve got to be told and shown of a different way, which is where working with a Counselling Psychotherapist comes in.
How working with a Counselling Psychotherapist will help you get over the fear of messing up and asking questions?
In particular, working with a Counselling Psychotherapist will help you to get over the fear of messing up by helping you to…
1) Address the real cause of your failure
What this means for you going forward, therefore, is if you really want to learn and grow as a person…
And by-product, your life (since you can’t have one without the other), so you can experience more happiness and joy, you’ve got to get comfortable with making mistakes and asking questions.
Recognising that they’re an unavoidable part of life and a necessary part of the jigsaw puzzle in becoming successful in all areas of life.
However, you can’t do that until you get comfortable (and I mean really comfortable) with expressing all your thoughts and feelings as they arise on a week by week basis, over months and years, with a Counselling Psychotherapist.
As it’s in the process of doing this that you’ll be able to specifically deal with your feelings of FEAR, SHAME and EMBARRASSMENT, which come along with making mistakes and asking questions at work.
Which, incidentally are the true causes of your own perceived failure and why you aren’t where you want to be in life and/or in your career.
Not the situation or people outside yourself, itself.
As the situation outside yourself is simply an illusion for you to continue avoiding the true causes of your perceived failure so you can keep living your life as you have been as opposed to making changes because your subconscious mind is deeply afraid of making changes.
2) Change your focus
If your focus is on concealing and trying to avoid making mistakes at all costs, therefore, it stands to reason that you need to change the focus of your attention onto something more empowering.
However, you can’t do that if your mind is full of doubts, fears and insecurities.
Since they will consume your mind all day and every day, without you even necessarily realising it.
So you need someone (not everybody and anybody, as I talk more about in my article HOW TO FEEL COMFORTABLE WITH EMOTIONS TO LIVE A HAPPIER LIFE?) experienced in helping people solve their struggles, who you can offload these to.
As in doing so, not only do you benefit others who have their own struggles to deal with.
But you also benefit yourself since not everybody and anybody knows how to support you with your own personal struggles so you’re not doing yourself a favour by expressing it to them.
I mean think of it like this, if even you don’t know how to overcome your own struggles, how will anybody and everybody know?
Therefore, you need to outsource it to somebody who’s specialised in it.
The result of working with a Counselling Psychotherapist to help you to change your focus
As a result, this will free you to think of actions you can take, which will enable you to do a great job with the work task at hand.
As well as, find solutions to problems, as and when they arise, as opposed to feeling like you need to know everything before you can take action toward a goal.
Therefore, alleviating your feelings of fear, worry, stress and anxiety around potentially making a mistake, actually making a mistake and asking questions.
3) Teaching you how to stop seeking the approval of others
Often when we seek to avoid making mistakes and concealing them from others when they do happen, what we’re really trying to do is maintain the positive perception of others.
In other words, gain their approval.
However, people are going to love you or hate you regardless of what you do or don’t do.
Therefore, by working with a Counselling Psychotherapist to learn to stop seeking the approval of others, you will come to the realisation the only voice and approval, which matters in your life is your own.
Since you are worthy of the approval of others, independently of what you do and don’t do for them.
And anyone who makes you feel like you are only worthy if you do X, Y and Z for them, aren’t worthy of having you in their life.
But it’s got to start with you first.
That is, you’ve got to approve of who you are as you are, yourself before anyone else outside of you, can ever do that for you in return.
LEARN MORE: HOW TO FIND YOUR WORTH AND WHY IT MATTERS
The result of working with a Counselling Psychotherapist to teach you how to stop seeking the approval of others
This means by working with a Counselling Psychotherapist, you also get the chance to change your mindset around making mistakes and failure itself.
Which means flipping your mental script and seeing mistakes as an opportunity to learn and grow from.
Not as a reason to continue to put yourself down and make yourself feel even worse about yourself than you already do.
But again this takes practice and lots of reflection working with a Counselling Psychotherapist.
Therefore, you’re not going to get there overnight I’m afraid.
4) Teaching you how to learn from your mistakes
If our focus is also on ‘what’s wrong with us‘ for making mistakes, we’re going to get bogged down and out, feeling bad about ourselves.
Why? because it reinforces our existing belief of not being able to change ourselves as though our identity is fixed when it’s actually a lot more malleable than we realise.
LEARN MORE: TRANSFORM YOUR LIFE BY CHANGING THIS ONE BELIEF
5) Un-learning it’s not safe to make mistakes or ask question
You can’t just suddenly wake up one day and stop making lesser mistakes plus feel confident and secure in asking questions.
I mean you can, but it’s going to take quite a bit of work on your behalf to be able to get there.
Since your body has been conditioned to believe it’s unsafe to do either one of these.
And so there’s now a process to teaching your body that it is in fact safe and okay to do these.
How you’ll re-learn it’s safe to mess up and ask questions working with a Counselling Psychotherapist?
If you don’t understand how the mind works, what the learning process is and what the purpose and importance of messing up and asking questions are, then you’re not going to be able to see beyond your fear to get to the other side of it.
Therefore, working with a Counselling Psychotherapist will show you how it’s safe to mess up and ask questions by giving you an understanding of the WHY of messing up and asking questions.
Alongside, giving you the opportunity to address how you feel about each of them.
So you can then feel more comfortable with them in order to be able to practice it with others.
Gaining the understanding of the WHY behind messing up and asking questions
For instance, often we mess up so we can get better at something next time.
Therefore, becoming stronger for it in the long run.
In addition, we ask questions to clarify our thinking and understanding of something, which in this case is a work activity or to learn something new that wasn’t mentioned.
So would benefit us in completing the work at hand.
As a result, giving us the capacity to foster connection and build relationships with others as opposed to disconnecting us from others as we originally were led to believe based on our past experiences.
Since we all like to be asked questions and to show off our knowledge, expertise and skills because it makes us feel good about ourselves and as though we’re contributing and making a difference to something important.
Summary: How to deal with crushing failure at work to get back up stronger and better than ever before?
So there you have it… how to deal with crushing failure at work to get back up stronger and better than ever before.
First and foremost, understand what was behind your failure and work hard with a Counselling Psychotherapist to overcome the hidden causes of your failure.
Now over to you…
I’d love to know what failure you’re struggling with and would like support on.
Let me know in the comment section below.
And don’t forget to subscribe to my email newsletter below to stay in the know on how working with a Counselling Psychotherapist can change your life.
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